A new prayer for the sins we’ve committed against ourselves
The 10 days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur are known as hayamim noraim (“the Days of Awe”), or more commonly, the Days of Repentance. Tradition dictates that, during this time, one should apologize to and seek reconciliation with anyone who they may have wronged, or who may have wronged them in the past year.
There are many different customs by which this is done: for example, some ultra-Orthodox communities participate in kaparot (or kaporos, meaning “atonements”), a ritual which involves passing a chicken over one’s head three times while reciting a text, then humanely slaughtering the animal and either donating it to charity or selling it and donating those funds. Other communities focus on more direct acts of charity, donating time or money to organizations as a way of showing their commitment to practicing mitzvahs (“good deeds”). Many Jews, particularly in the U.S., have a practice of performing tashlich (“cast off”), where they symbolically cast off their sins into a moving body of water, often by throwing bread crumbs into a stream.
In more secular practice, we call our friends and family and tell them that we’re sorry we don’t call or visit more often, or that we’re sorry we snapped at them the other day when they were just trying to help, or that we’re sorry we don’t say “I love you” enough. We send emails and letters to estranged acquaintances—old friends—wanting to heal old wounds and make up for lost time. We post on Facebook and Twitter and apologize for anything we might have said or posted that hurt someone.
At the end of hayamim noraim, we move from apologizing to others to apologizing to G-d: there is a prayer we recite only on Yom Kippur, the Al Chet (“for the sin…”), where we confess all of the sins we have committed against G-d. The prayer is recited ten times in all over the holiday, including occasionally in English in the form of a poem where each sentence begins with the refrain “We have sinned against You…”
We spend most of the time around Yom Kippur apologizing to others—be it friends, family or G-d—but we often forget the most important people to say “I’m sorry” to: ourselves. We are our own best friend and worst enemy, the person we know the best and for the longest and someone who, like it or not, we’re stuck with forever. So why should we put up with someone who is mean to us? Why should we put up with being mean to ourselves? If this is the time of the year to forgive and be forgiven by all, then all should include ourselves, as well.
This year, then, I would like to offer up a new prayer—a new tradition—of an Al Chet for the sins we have committed against ourselves:
***
The Personal Al Chet:
I have sinned against myself through self-hatred,
And I have sinned against myself by comparing myself to others.
I have sinned against myself through jealousy and envy of those around me,
And I have sinned against myself for not appreciating what I have.
I have sinned against myself by not believing in myself,
And I have sinned against myself by not being proud of what I have accomplished.
I have sinned against myself through negative and harmful thoughts,
And I have sinned against myself for not loving myself more.
I have sinned against myself by continuing to pursue toxic relationships,
And I have sinned against myself by holding on to the past and grudges.
I have sinned against me by not appreciating my mind and body,
And I have sinned against me by not appreciating my heart and spirit.
I have sinned against me for being too hard on myself,
And I have sinned against me for not allowing myself to fail more.
I have sinned against me for all I have done to hurt myself.
And I have sinned against me for not forgiving myself enough.
For all these sins, forgiving Self, forgive me, pardon me, grant me atonement.
***
For all those fasting, have a safe and easy fast, and to all, g’mar chatimah tovah (“a good sealing”) – May you be inscribed in the Book of Life for Good. Amen.
L’shanah tovah u’metukah.
Lily Coltoff is a second-semester senior at American University in Washington, DC, where she is studying Communication Studies and Public Health. She is part of the Faith Counts “Faces of Faith” campaign and was a former Communications Intern at Hillel International. (She is graduating in December and looking for a job, so if anyone is hiring… her email is lily.coltoff@gmail.com).
Does reading about faith inspire you? Do you have a story or information about your faith you want to share? Tell us more!
Discover More:
