Getting to the Other Side of a Pandemic
Tracy Akinade
Sometimes slowing down is a power move. It ends up being exactly what you need to regain direction and full consciousness. The idea seems to be a means leading to setback, but in the midst of a global pandemic, I’m learning how it can clear the path to accelerate.
My experience during the era of COVID19 is like many. An abrupt shock to my normal routine that began to peel back layers set by habits of constant busyness, disguised distractions, and overwhelming responsibility.
But it wasn’t so bad I thought. To be honest, I’m a part of the select population that actually enjoys being on lockdown. Not having to be anywhere and having copious amounts of time to work, nap, eat, and relax; rinse and repeat. I saved money and commute time. I’d finally gotten the break I prayed for after being in school for the past three years.
Things began to set in. I was alone in my apartment, away from my family in Texas, left to think.
“I’m by myself in the midst of a global pandemic and the closest ones to me aren’t even around if things went wrong.”
Certain people were removed from my life just the week before onset, so the timing of it all couldn’t be any more impeccable. I didn’t know it then, but He was working on my behalf.
God is real. He has a way of stripping you of everything you think you need to show you that in fact, He’s all you actually need.
I began to grow discontent with a lot of things. As I struggled to find peace with my rapidly changing emotions, God spoke. He woke me up out of my sleep at 3am and told me to write. To get everything out and reveal what was in my heart. I wrote. I prayed. I cried…hard. I started to come undone and to terms with so many fears I had masked as stress. Past ideas and choices God laid on my heart, but I shrugged off, instantly re-surfaced. It was clear to me that I had lived much of my adult life overworking and over-functioning, that I did not realize how distant I grew from the confident and daring girl I used to be.
I realized that fear had seeped into all aspects of my life. I allowed fear to impact my career pursuits, my friendships, my dating life, and it stunted my growth in intimacy with Christ. I had (still have) fears of not being creative enough, not having proper resources, and just not being enough. From there, God told me I had to change. That in order for me to reach the places I’ve seen in my dreams I could no longer disqualify myself. I had to listen to Him and actually be obedient, even if it scared me.
I decided to build the habit of doubting my doubts. Every time the enemy planted a seed of hesitation in my mind, that was an indicator of exactly what I needed to do next. Small wins would lead to big ones and I had to get used to the discomfort. It completely altered my perspective on the way I move and needed to show up in life.
It took this “divine timeout” to get here. To be still and recognize what internal work needed to be done. God ultimately showed me that things after this pandemic could never be the same. And in order for me to get to the other side, I had to adopt a newer version of myself and get moving. As I said before, this is my path to accelerate. This time, I won’t look back. I can only look back to see how far I’ve come.
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