How to ask faith questions in a more caring way
Amira Alsareinye
Recently, I have had more than one friend ask me about my hijab, otherwise known as a covering worn by those who practice Islam. I often wear different styles and colors of scarves and without warning, my friend approached me asking about the rules of the hijab. Another friend inquired about my safety after seeing the news about ongoing unrest in Iran.
Iran’s Human Rights Activists News Agency reports that hundreds of people, including dozens of children, have been killed by security forces in the crackdown on protests, which erupted after the death in police custody of a woman accused of wearing her hijab “improperly.”
When crises concerning religion happen, people may not understand the various dynamics and they ask questions in ways that are more curious than caring. It is important to note that when traumatic events like these occur, people who are trauma-adjacent may not want to talk about it or answer questions.
Here are a few ways to do it:
- To ask or to Google?
While I appreciated the beautiful sentiment behind these types of questions from my friends, I think there are better ways to ask people questions relating to faith, safety crises, and religious recommendations. I want to help people understand caring ways to ask questions and offer the advice that sometimes, we just have to Google, rather than ask our friends questions on sensitive subjects.
- Ask permission first
Sometimes we meet people with different beliefs than our own, and we naturally want to know more. It’s important to know that when asking questions about beliefs we should understand that one person’s answer is not the answer for every person who holds similar beliefs. We should also understand that some people would rather not answer questions on their beliefs, so perhaps ask permission before proceeding.
- Just be there
Let’s say there’s been a tragic event among believers of a certain faith. A question posed with more curiosity than care might be “How are you dealing with it?” A more caring way to ask about someone’s well-being after an emotional event can be done in a variety of ways. Sometimes we don’t even have to mention the event. We can spend time with the person and allow them the space to open up. Just being there can help.
- Perform acts of service
During times of crisis, it’s best to ask questions that demonstrate care, and determine if there are any ways to help. When the crisis in Syria was at its peak, I had to field questions and comments based on what people were reading in the news. I had family who died in the war and I often did not read the news because it was so painful. Instead it would have been more helpful if someone had asked what I needed. Sometimes there are no words to describe what someone is going through, whether you’re the one going through or the one inquiring. However, through acts of service, you can still express sympathy. Sometimes you can say it all by praying for someone, sending/making meals, babysitting, and/or assisting with laundry, among other things.
Final thought
It’s important that we remember the sensitivities of others and ask for their level of comfort before posing any questions. If someone states that the subject of the question at hand might make them feel uncomfortable, it is important to remember that feelings are valid and boundaries should be maintained in order to establish safe and caring relationships, especially with others of different faiths.
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Amira Alsareinye hails from two cultural backgrounds, Syrian and Mexican. She was born and raised in San Antonio, Texas. Amira has a Bachelor’s degree in biology from the University of the Incarnate. She enjoys writing poetry and fictional short stories as well as personal narratives. She also enjoys creating surrealist figurative paintings mainly in acrylic and watercolor.
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