Stop Saying ‘God only tests the strong’ to those who are hurting
God is not the author of suffering, but instead, the originator of love, grade and mercy. Any other implication can cause a major spiritual violation.
Two days after my cancer diagnosis, I found myself needing more scans so doctors could accurately recommend a treatment plan. Afraid of what the scan would uncover, I followed the hospital tech’s instructions carefully and cautiously once she stepped away.
Yet as the machine began to slowly glide my body into a white cave, the image of my three girls’ faces flooded my consciousness. I realized I had to tell them. Their daddy has cancer. Something inside me gave way and my body began to quiver. No matter how much I tried to stop, my shoulders kept shaking. It wasn’t a polite little cry, either. It was deep, heaving, ugly sobbing. The nurse stopped the machine and came to comfort me by gently placing her hand on my left shoulder and entering my sacred moment. She made eye contact and asked, “What’s wrong?”
I caught her up on my diagnosis and the images racing through my mind.
“Do you think you can finish?”
“Yeah, I’ll try… I think I can do it.”
She met right where I was and connected in such a deep way, I was beyond appreciative. Then the tide turned.
“You know, Jamie, God only tests the strong,” she said once I’d managed to finish the scan.
Caught off guard, I couldn’t believe it. Implicating my illness was sent by God’s hand was a flagrant spiritual violation. Not to mention unbiblical. Thankfully, my experience in disaster research helped me find grace. I knew “my helper” was just trying to help. Although her comment was wildly inappropriate, I (eventually) let it go. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be the last spiritual violation I’d receive once my scan results came back to show my cancer had spread and I became a stage 4 colon cancer patient.
The professional and personal are never neatly or easily separated, and this became very real as I experienced cancer as a psychologist. This experience of someone implicating, “God tests the strong,” got me thinking: how we treat others who are suffering, and especially how we talk about God, is critically important. Our encouragement must not only accurately reflect God’s character, but our words should bolster, not confuse or threaten, another’s faith.
The nurse was just trying to comfort me, and perhaps she didn’t know what to say. But even as someone of strong faith, her insensitive comment didn’t only make me cringe, it stayed with me throughout my cancer journey and now as I’m in remission.
God is not the author of suffering, He is the originator of love, mercy and grace. Saying, “God only tests the strong,” compounds the hurt of those suffering. As we offer one another encouragement, let this be a truth we don’t forget.
About The Author
Dr. Jamie Aten is the founder and executive director of the Humanitarian Disaster Institute and Blanchard Chair of Humanitarian & Disaster Leadership at Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois. His latest book is “A Walking Disaster: What Surviving Katrina and Cancer Taught Me About Faith and Resilience” (Templeton Press). In 2016 he received the FEMA Community Preparedness Champion award at the White House. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram or jamieaten.com.
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